Fuccboi by Sean Thor Conroe

Author:Sean Thor Conroe
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2022-01-25T00:00:00+00:00

Over the six months after I agreed to work on my Walk Book with editor bae, I cut—nixed, snipped—every savage, ugly, testosterone-fueled, shameful thing it had been the most difficult to write.

I re-buried all the parts I wrote the thing precisely to force myself, and the reader, to look at.

Everything I wrote so others might be more aware of such flagrant tendencies in themselves.

When editor bae ghosted I honestly didn’t know why.

I thought maybe she didn’t want our correspondence to end, and was stalling, since once the book was submitted, we wouldn’t have a professional reason to stay connected.

I thought maybe she felt like I was using her.

Thing was, I wouldn’t have given two fucks if she shared the script and the agent said No, this isn’t for me.

I was just not about not sending it.

You gotta send that shit!

I almost wanted it to get sent and get rejected, so that way we’d no longer have this veneer of professionalism preventing me from doing what I actually wanted to, which was turn on all that fuccboi charm and get back inside.

Or whatever, just kick it as homies.

I tried to communicate this.

It was the first week of summer, and I was on a one-day job on Randall’s Island, building a Nike set for Governors Ball that would sell custom-stitched NBA attire to festival goers—a two-story, full-size court we assembled on a slant, that it took forever to shim level, with sewing machines, stacks of every team’s jerseys, except just blank canvases, no numbers or team names on em.

During lunch I shot her a text like Hey, in town for a job. Drink later?

She responded immediately.

No. And I changed my mind about the manuscript, I don’t wanna submit it anymore. And tbh I don’t wanna spend time with you in any other capacity. I’m too busy with work and wanna spend the free time I do have with people I’m actually close with. Have a good summer!

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